When Reality Knocks

Good day, Henry here. Out walking this morning I felt the first real sense that Summer had arrived. The air is warm. The grass is starting to grow. The trees are starting to bud out in leaf. It is good to be alive in the Summertime.

A small part of me that is still a farmer invariably has the fantasy of firing up the tractor and beginning to put in the crops. That was always a good time to be alive. It is really the beginning of the farming year. Farmers put in their crop, hoping this will be a bountiful and profitable year.

Then I came home and read the morning paper which had extensive coverage on the bursting cost of food stuffs. Wheat, corn and rice are exploding in price. A large part of the developing world is feeling the pain of serious increases in the cost of food. The Globe and Mail tells me that a large part of the world doesn’t live with my fantasy of either a bountiful or profitable year.

They report that 485 millions of people earn between 75 cents and 1 dollar US a day, 323 million people earn between 50 cents and 75 cents a day, and 162 million earn less than 50 cents a day. The article goes on to say that there are 11 different areas in the world where there is hunger unrest, where people are literally fighting for food.

One of the demands that is driving up the cost of food for these people on the edge is the cost of biofuels. It sounds to me like the developed world is keeping huge numbers of people on the edge and perhaps creating famine for many, so that westerners can fill up their SUV’S with fuel and continue to devour the largest part of the available fuel supply in the world. Isn’t it time we started to seriously do things better?

Update: {Steve} With the recent flooding in Iowa, a huge amount of corn has been lost and because so much corn is being converted into biofuels (using up much of the overflow supply), it’s going to drive up the price of many grocery items we all need. Well, I guess that’s o.k., as long as people can keep driving their SUVs, right?

Hi folks, Steve here. Sorry about the prolonged absence. We had some major technical issues with our blog which are now fixed. First day back, I present you with some of George Carlin’s new rules for living. Enjoy:)

GEORGE CARLIN’S NEW RULES FOR 2008

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s white peoples version of looting.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.Com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days — mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re a dope. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we’re done.

New Rule: There’s no such thing as flavored water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, he’ll will be in the morgue. Congratulations,Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the jerk. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a ‘decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low, and One NutraSweet,’ ooooh, you’re a huge jerk.

New Rule: I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing ‘Enter,’ verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want Cash back, and pressing ‘Enter’ again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you Spiritual. It’s right above the crack of your butt. And it translates to ‘beef with broccoli.’ The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too exciting.

New Rule: I don’t need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you’re going to insist on making movies based on cold television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can’t even tell If he’s supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don’t want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear ‘27 months.’ ‘He’s two’ will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. And I didn’t really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum Wage, then for God’s sake don’t pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, ‘Do you want fries with that?’

Hello folks, Steve here. Sorry I’ve been MIA, I’ve been busy trying to get my life in order, career and so on. What a pain all this work stuff is turning out to be. I’ve been thinking a lot about the best way to move forward in life and so I present Rules To Live By, from the immortal George Carlin. If we can’t follow George…who can we? Enjoy!

George Carlin – Rules to Live By

Life is not as difficult as people think; all one needs is a good set of rules. Since it is probably too late for you, here are some guidelines to pass along to your children.

1. Relax and take it easy. Don’t get caught up in hollow conceits such as “doing something with your life.” Such twaddle is outmoded and a sure formula for disappointment.

2. Whatever it is you pursue, try to do it just well enough to remain in the middle third of the field. Keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself and don’t ask questions. Remember, the squeaky wheel is the first one to be replaced.

3. Size people up quickly, and develop rigid attitudes based on your first impression. If you try to delve deeper and get to “know” people, you’re asking for trouble.

4. Don’t fall for that superstitious nonsense about treating people the way you would like to be treated. It is a transparently narcissistic approach, and may be the sign of a weak mind.

5. Spend as much time as you can pleading and impressing others, even if it makes you unhappy. Pay special attention to shallow manipulators who can do you the most harm. Remember, in the overall scheme, you count for very little.

6. Surround yourself with inferiors and losers. Not only will you look good by comparison, but they will look up to you, and that will make you feel better.

7. Don’t buy into the sentimental notion that everyone has shortcomings; it’s the surest way of undermining yourself. Remember, the really best people have no defects. If you’re not perfect, something is wrong.

8. If by some off chance you do detect a few faults, first, accept the fact that you are probably deeply flawed. Then make a list of your faults and dwell on them. Carry the list around and try to think of things to add. Blame yourself for everything.

9. Beware of intuition and gut instincts, they are completely unreliable. Instead, develop preconceived notions and don’t waver unless someone tells you to. Then change your mind and adopt their point of view. But only if they seem to know what they’re talking about.

10. Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn’t work. Cling to it even when it is hopeless. Anyone can cut and run, but it takes a very special person to stay with something that is stupid and harmful.

11. Always remember, today doesn’t count. Trying to make something out of today only robs you of precious time that could be spent daydreaming or resting up.

12. Try to dwell on the past. Think of all the mistakes you’ve made, and how much better it would be if you hadn’t made them. Think of what you should have done, and blame yourself for not doing so. And don’t go easy. Be really hard on yourself.

13. If by chance you make a fresh mistake, especially a costly one, try to repeat it a few times so you become familiar with it and can do it easily in the future. Write it down. Put it with your list of faults.

14. Beware also of the dangerous trap of looking ahead; it will only get you in trouble. Instead, try to drift along from day to day in a meandering fashion. Don’t get sidetracked with some foolish “plan.”

15. Finally, enjoy yourself all the time, and do whatever you want. Don’t be seduced by that mindless chatter going around about “responsibility.” That’s exactly the sort of thing that can ruin your life.

Hello, Henry here today. Here is a thought about the quality material on television. A headline from the paper a while back datelined Phoenix from The Associated Press states that a local man, Neil David Sutz, is suing Dr Phil McGraw and the producers of his show for discrimination. Now I know everyone’s all over Dr. Phil these days because of the Britney Spears thing and I don’t want to kick someone when they’re down, but I did want to comment on this.

When the audience for one of Phil’ shows was poled, to see if anyone had any mental illnesses, he said that he had a bipolar disorder. Then staff apparently told him: “Not to speak during the show or communicate with McGraw or staff members. I was the only one singled out when it was made clear that I had a mental illness; they said `Can’t speak’”

I don’t blame him for his anger. If he had been high then he would have been inappropriate in the meeting and likely could not have sat there in a composed manor. If he was down he would likely not have found the energy to go to the show. Likely he was on medication and as long as he takes it shows no symptoms of his condition. It seems to me that the staff was ignorant of psychiatric conditions and quite fearful.

Phil passes himself off as an expert on the human condition, so what is the problem? He should have been able to deal with any interruption by someone who had bi-polar disorder. His staff should be trained to deal with such people, not simply muzzle them. Bi-polar disorder is a condition that takes a great deal of understanding and patience to deal with. Although it’s completely understandable that the Dr. Phil staff would want the show to run smoothly, it would be nice if Dr. Phil could bring some attention to that.

From this distance it seems to me that the mistake that Mr. Sutz made was to be honest about his condition. Like most of the population, obviously the staff had no idea, or no interest, in how to handle someone with bipolar condition, except to attempt to ignore them.

Jeff Healey - March 25, 1966 – March 2, 2008

Good day, Henry here. Our local paper carried a large picture on the front page of an attractive woman and the caption: “Ex prostitute says johns are fighting their own demons as much as sex workers.”

Later in the article she is quoted as saying:

“Judges can become johns by night. So can businessman, doctors, and politicians….There’s judges out there, there’s lawyers, there’s everybody. There’s doctors, there’s preachers, everybody even politicians and women….It’s the power. They want control over things…It boils down to they don’t love themselves no more and so they take it out on the weak like prostitutes and drug addicts.”

She knows more about this side of life than most of us will ever know. She is convinced that it is all about power and that is certainly true in abusive relationships. These women obviously deserve all the genuine help they can get.

Maybe a little bit of learning doesn’t do us any favors, but I am intrigued by two things that come to mind. It sticks in my memory that one of the Roman Emperors in an effort to stop prostitution in Rome banished the prostitutes. As I remember the story, 50,000 women left and the city could not function without them so he had to let them back in. I don’t know if it is true or not but it always struck me as a good yarn.

I do know that throughout the ancient world there were temples to the feminine goddess serviced by temple prostitutes. Apparently that was a relatively elevated profession quite different from our poor streetwalker.

The ex-prostitute in this morning’s paper is pushing us to legalize prostitution. She says it will make the work much safer and healthier. If she is able to get prostitution legalized which I cannot see happening in our world, she will be bringing back prostitution as a valuable profession. If, as she believes, it would make the work safer and easier, it seems like it would be a good idea. It would certainly be a change, a this has been a public health issue for, well, thousands of years.

Psychologically this is about what we do with our shadow, how the bad stuff gets projected outside of ourselves and focused on people like addicts and streetwalkers. As a culture we feel purer and more free if we are able to blame our problems and weaknesses on some subclass in our world.

Good day, Henry here. On my walk this morning a couple of things came to mind. At the top of the street I saw a young woman desperately brushing out her hair. It looked like she was rushing, behind schedule. Then a boy galloped out of her house and clumped down the street. He couldn’t do anything else. He was at least 50-60 pounds overweight.

While he was still galloping, the girl I had seen before also came rushing from the house. She too was 50 – 60 pounds overweight, perhaps 170 pounds, and had to hang on to her pants to keep them from falling.

About then I realized that both of them were rushing to catch up to three girls down the street who were going to school together. Clearly the fat girl wanted to join them, but in her rush did not have her school books. I really don’t know what they discussed, but I got the impression that she was asking them to wait for her to return with her schoolwork.

Before I caught up to the group she rushed off back to her house. I caught up to the three and they looked to be in great shape.

I passed the girls but stayed close to them to overhear what was being said about their relationship with the fat girl. To the best of my knowledge they said nothing about her, but walked slowly on towards school. I couldn’t tell if by moving on they were refusing her request to wait for her or just tasking their time knowing she would catch up.

What a burden we place on children, and most especially females about their weight. Society traps children into failing in the weight department, while industry entices them with sugar treats, and parents often fail to give proper guidance.

Looking at those three beautiful creatures I thought again what a terrible burden it is for a child to be fat. My heart goes out to her and the burdens she has to bear. What a mass of insecurities seemed to be part of the fat one’s life. She stood out from her classmates like a sore thumb. She needs help slimming down, but if her brother is an example of the household, then she won’t get it. Because of society’s unfair expectations, I expect she’ll have to work much harder just to feel normal.

Greetings folks Steve here. I don’t normally post other peopel’s things, but this was just too good not to pass on. For all you Law And Order fans.