You Remind Me Of Someone
Good day, Henry here. Projection is when we see qualities in another person who we don’t really know. What happens is that we see what we expect to see. This is most obvious when we look at people from other races or other ethnic or social groups. Projections can be both good and bad, making people seem either far better or far worse than they really are to our eyes.
We all have seen others project their prejudices. They see what they expect to see, and act as if that is the reality. For example: Such and such a kind of person are lazy, or she’s a ditzy blonde, he’s a thug, or she needs protection. These projections can seem very real, but they usually don’t exist outside our own heads. This happens all the time with movie stars and other celebrities, where people feel like they know them, but of course don’t know them at all.
The critical thing about projection is that it is not totally blind. There has to be a hook for the projection to land on. What we see if probably 10% real and 90% projection. We do not know why we are attracted to or dislike this person, but it just happens automatically. Perhaps the way he or she walks, wears their hair, talks, etc. sets off an automatic reaction in ourselves and we project the rest. We suddenly see the bully from next door, our own parents, a despised uncle or old lover.
Now the hard work begins. Do we really want to discover what this person is really like, or are we happy to see them through the lenses of our projection? Much, if not most of the time we insist on seeing them our way, whether it is true or not, which makes relationships, which are already difficult, even harder.