That Nagging Feeling That You’re Going To Die
Henry here, thinking deep thoughts again. Sorry, sometimes I just can’t help it. Over and over again, life hits us with mystery. We may experience it standing at the top of a double black diamond ski run, or we may feel it with the first fall of snow, an opening flower, a bird, an exquisite butterfly or falling rain. It takes many different forms, but this feeling of mystery usually has the effect of making us feel very small and insignificant, like we’re encountering something unknown and bigger than ourselves. Anyone who’s stood at the top of a steep double black diamond ski run knows what I’m talking about: That gut instinct that perhaps you’re not as in control as you’d like, that nagging feeling that you’re about to die.
Mystery and awe are everywhere, but we are so cut off from our religious roots that although we may recognize this is a spiritual moment, we don’t realize that it is what we do with such moments that are the building blocks of religious experience. Put another way, unexpectedly running into something larger than ourselves can help us put our lives in perspective. Again, the analogy of skiing is a good one here: When at the top of the hill we truly re-evaluate our lives, as we’re hoping not to unexpectedly run into any trees.
When we look in a microscope at the invisible mysteries of life or contemplate the beauty and breathtaking journey of a monarch butterfly from South America, we are struck by the incredible mystery of nature, but we have largely forgotten that it was this very mystery that moved religious people down through the years. It is their reaching out from these experiences that has given the connection to the Divine which we call religion. So religion is not just an old story, nor is it just a bunch of rituals. It is how we use these experiences to look into ourselves that makes them important. And always remember to take an extra pair of gloves.
March 15th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Hi Henry,
Kevin H here. You may remember me from awhile back. I was thinking about you recently, of course that is my thing unless you have too then it would be our thing. LOL. I was just reading your recent blog entry as it was your last entry and I have only just arrived. Been a little busy with the more mundane aspects of life, which of course need attention as well. The first thing that hit me was imaging myself at the top of that double black diamond run. Unfortunately, I am no skier, so no mysterious feeling came over me but fear, paranoia, guilt, loathing and a bunch of other feelings with the inevitable outcome that I would probably die hitting a tree with my arms flailing wildly. Although, I am sure my life would certainly pass before my eyes. That is scary stuff, maybe a little too deep for me and I am a little rusty. But, I have been known to be a little backwards in my thoughts, even those reactions are interesting in themselves and I am sure that they say volumes about me. I equate mysteriousness with timelessness. Being onboard a ship with a warm breeze on my face watching the sun rise or set. The majesty of the wide open expanses of the sea and sky. The transition of life. If your quite and listen closely you can hear it, your eyes open and you can see it. Its an experience somewhat close to what you mention in your blog. I think you call it a religious experience, I call it a human experience - an Anthropos moment.
March 18th, 2007 at 7:03 am
Apprediat your comment. I hope that you are not equating religious with what happens in a church structure of with church people. Rudolf Otto says tht it is these great human moments as y0u call them, are numinus and it is these numinus moments which are the building blocks sof religious experience. We can have these fishing, sailing, walking with a friend or shockingly enough in church. We have to try to sort out some kind of theology for ourselfves or rework the theology that we were brought up with. Are we on the same wavelength?
March 21st, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Hi Henry,
Kevin H here.
I am sure we are talking of the same thing, just a different subjective perspective. I hope I do not offend anyone in what I may say as I do not intend that.
Numinous experience distinguishes an us/them, him/me sort of awareness. I think of the pneuma blown into the frail body of the clay first person as the alpha and the omega, reflected in alot of cultures. Sort of like the realization of our humanity or awakening. All else as commentary on attempting to understand - religion. I view it as a subjective interpretation, except more on a multi-local level. Therefore, although I can not quote a reference I am not sure I can agree with Otto in the sense of interpreting this awareness on a theological framework and maybe even spoke hastily myself in thinking it a human experience or Anthropos moment.
On the black diamond run some would attribute the experience as a religious experience, philosophical, psychological or simple gasteo-indigestion. I once went to a dinner and when I entered I was offered to hang my coat upon some hooks. I was struck by the question. I realized I did not have to hang it up at all. I could throw it on the floor? Wear it? A whole mess of social acceptability issues, etc.
Who says the experience will blow up, disappear, or become unaffective if we frame it or not, in a theology, philosophy, psychology or any other ology. Even a personal interpretation is suspect as its meaning is wholly dependant on what is remembered at the time of experience or future recall. Even if remembered “correctly” it is subject to continually changing interpretation. A definite juicey topic area.
I once meet a man who looked at me as I with him with the same question “So, what brings you here?” I answered “I don’t know. Its the path I was on.” His answer was much the same. I think that these experiences are much like those experiences to some. What do each receive? only what each is willing to give. One can give an endless recounting of what lead up to that point. The other a hook to hang their coat upon or maybe a mirrored reflection. That may lead to a Religious experience if that is what you desire. But, reach out and touch and that experience becomes a reality. Does it need to be framed before or after? If we personified the experience it could answer with that numinous answer - I am that I am, or something like that. LOL
March 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 am
Heavy stuff! We are in the deep end of the pool. Of all the reflections I had with your comments I thought most about William James’s book “The Variety of Religions Experience” I think his point that it is the mysticl experiences of many people, and especially our own, that gives us the grounding for our public and private religion.
It has been those experiences which shook me out of my shoes which have most profoundly changed me.
Henry SHARAM
March 23rd, 2007 at 2:06 am
Heavy stuff! We are in the deep end of the pool. Of all the reflections I had with your comments I thought most about William James’s book “The Variety of Religions Experience” I think his point that it is the mysticl experiences of many people, and especially our own, that gives us the grounding for our public and private religion.
It has been those experiences which shook me out of my shoes which have most profoundly changed me.
Henry SHARAM
March 24th, 2007 at 8:17 am
I am sorry if it is considered heavy or deep, I never meant it to be so. I have a tendency to think as I write or for that matter speak. It can be a messy business.
I’ll try to condense, one last attempt.
If a moment gives cause to pause, no matter where it comes from or where it goes. That moment is a potiental “experience”.
Yes, I have had experiences that have profoundly changed my life as well and I cherish everyone received.
Sincerly and respectfully,
Kevin
March 25th, 2007 at 6:11 am
Haven’t we all had such experiences. The day the horse ran away with me, I had my first car accident, or our house burned down seem to qualify. Others might focus on having their wisdom teeth, or gall baldder out, the first time they got drunk or had sex. Lots to focuse on. Don’t they all sound like they are the makings of religious experiences? You have to cast the net really wide and catch some numinous and not so numinous stuff.
Henry
April 5th, 2007 at 3:38 am
Hi Henry,
Sorry for the delay in responding. I have been a busy boy and am back at work entering into the Bay of Islands NF.
I agree some are numinous and some are not, but I feel that they can be numinous. Sort of like a religious response of cherishing every moment that we have been granted can lead to a religious outlook in life that can see God in all we do and see. But, they do not necessarily have to have a religious significance - I would rather leave that to the individual to decide. I have myself have considered many experiences religiously.
Kevin