The Danger of Surprise Parties
Greetings all, Steve here. There are many difficulties in planning and executing a surprise party. If it’s an outdoor party, it might rain. If it’s an indoor party, your house might burn down. Maybe people won’t show up on time. Maybe people will slip and tell the person by accident beforehand. If it’s a surprise birthday party, the problem is even worse, since the Guest Of Honour will be on high red alert for signs of any impending surprise. Any way you cut it, it’s quite a difficult thing to pull off.
Successfully bringing off a surprise party becomes even more difficult if the person is dangerous. It’s like the story of the gunfighter’s surprise party, when he accidentally shot all of his friends. I attended a surprise party this weekend for a good friend of mine and I was a little nervous, since he’s a kung fu master and trained specifically to react with immediate violence to unexpected stilmuli. This was not, I thought, maybe the best person to hold a surprise party for. My girlfriend Meghan and I discussed it and decided there was some significant danger that the Guest Of Honour might waste three or four of us before he realised that it was a surprise party and not an ambush.
Originally, the plan was to meet at an outdoor paintball place before going back to the house for a potluck. Thanks to the very outer ring of hurricane Wilma (now joined with Hurricane Alpha and a tropical depression to make, I assume, Hurricane Walphapression), we rescheduled paintball and moved the party indoors. Meghan was of the opinion that the Guest Of Honor was less likely to perceive danger in his house than in the woods, but I was not so sure. You see, the plan was to meet and park up the road and then to sneak around the back of the house and into the living room. Seemed like a good plan. Provided, of course, that the Guest Of Honor didn’t think this was some sort of sneak attack. I had visions of the party being prematurely ruined by someone getting gutted by an expertly wielded 4-Section Klingon Death Scimitar. Surprise!
As it turned out, the surprise worked perfectly and the party was a total success, the only tragedy of the evening being the unexpected appearance of Survivor, The Home Game. When I relayed my pre-party fear about the operation, the Guest Of Honour admitted that there was some danger that he might have reacted with violence and unintentionally injured someone, but probably only if we had surprised him by jumping out of the shadows behind him. This was fortunately not the case. The living room was well lit. Important safety tip, everyone. Safety first.
p.s. Better take cover: Hurricane Walphapression is coming today.