When Reality Knocks

“I know what you are thinking” is a common phrase in relationships and in the counselor’s office. This is a powerful and very destructive false myth. We have the delusion that we can read the other person’s head and know what they are thinking. When we say this phrase, we are most always wrong and may cause untold damage to important relationships. The long and the short of it is that no one can read minds. No matter how well we know someone, we do not know what he or she is thinking.

So where does this fantasy that we can read minds come from? This is a critical question, and if people realized the importance of the
answer, things would proceed much smoother in our otherwise loving relationships. The point is that all of this certainty of being able to know what some one is thinking is based on projection.

Projection is the process of projecting out on another something that is inside ourselves. This works the very same way as a movie projector projecting a picture out on a blank screen. The less we know ourselves the more we project onto others. Projection is based on our ignorance of our own motives, feelings, thoughts, and reactions generally. It is from projection that the comments: “I know what you are thinking. I know what that look means” come from. Our website will help in this area as it will help us all to get to know ourselves better so we project less on those we love and want to be close to.

So the critical thing to realize is that we never know what another person is thinking unless they tell us. It is vital that we shut up and listen. Ask people what they think. Ask them what they feel, what they want, and how they would like to proceed.

The only way to know what others, especially our loved ones think and want is to ask them and listen respectfully. If we do this it will greatly enrich our relationships.

That is what I think. What do you think?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 at 10:53 pm and is filed under Relationships, Communication, Conflict, Intimacy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.